Today marks a new day for me. To some, the marking may be a bit miniscule, minor, unimportant. To me, it signifies that I have finally let go of my grieving past. In 2006, I lost my best friend who happened to be my father, Arthur Webb. I was devastated by his passing. I believe sometimes we can lose someone or something and neglect the idea that we may have gained so much with the loss. I know I never considered this fact.
Following his death I was left with the task of packing up his house, getting rid of his belongings that my family chose not to keep, and somehow start my new life. I wasn’t sure how to do that. In fact, I wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to let go and get through my grieving. What did I do? I packed up practically all his belongings and placed them in a storage. I convinced myself that I would someday use the dining room set, the photos, ten foot long record player, and everything else that was stored in it. What did I end up doing in actuality? I ended up not really using anything that was in the storage. I gave the storage company approximately $7,000 because I couldn’t let go. It wasn’t just money that I gave away though, I spent a lot of energy not letting go; mentally abusing myself by believing that if I gave or sold his items, somehow I’d be in the wrong. More importantly, I blocked my ability to spend more energy towards my passion. The same passion that was instilled in me through my father. For a period of years following his death, I didn’t write, yet I tried to figure out how or why my father wasn’t in my life. It took me until just recently to realize that in his passing, I had the opportunity to realize what I’d gained.
This posting isn’t for everyone to understand, but more so for me to relinquish my past that I held captive in my heart. I will always love my father, but what I should’ve been holding on to was the idea of how I could and can move forward with my life to make him proud. I am able to take what he taught me and integrate it into my every day living. I have made him proud in the past, during his lifetime. I have made him proud in my past, since his passing. And I will continue to make him proud through my strength, drive, determination, and ability to remain resilient. On this day, June 27, 2013, I can say I no longer have possession of the storage. I got rid of everything on yesterday. I don’t feel bad about it. I feel empowered and ready for the world. Today I can say that I have learned I can make it through even some of the toughest times in my life and come out of them stronger than before.
Bye Extra Space Storage and hello to the rest of my life!